


Replay

by storygatherer (zetsubou69)



Category: D'espairsRay, Jrock, Plastic Tree
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-24
Updated: 2019-02-24
Packaged: 2019-11-05 04:06:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17911688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zetsubou69/pseuds/storygatherer
Summary: Some refusals are harsher than they are meant to be.





	Replay

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted: 2011-08-24

  
Simple, too simple, freaking simple, Karyu feels like screaming, as he lays on a couch next to sleeping Ryutaro, kisses his hair and forehead, just because the older man is fast asleep and Karyu is sure he can't wake him up. Ryutaro seems gentle and fragile, but Karyu learned the hard way this man - despite his forever seventeen looks - can't be underestimated. Karyu might be physically stronger, but a word from raven-haired man and the world stops spinning. At least, Karyu's world does.

 

*

 

There's too much between then and now. Guitars, parties, nights spent playing videogames, way too many words they've said each other and even more they haven't. There's too much, just like always with anyone, anywhere.

After one of these countless nights made of expectations only the morning, when everyone promises not to drink anytime soon, not to any of these stupidities they've done ever again, this morning comes. Karyu is tucked under the blanket, while daring the winter chill to finally leave him alone, thinking about what it would be like to hold Ryutaro's lithe body again. His cat joins him with purring, pressing against his chest. Karyu's fingers find their way to the soft black fur. The guitarist made up his mind. He's going to have Ryutaro - the man, not the cat, he already has the cat - for himself even if just for a while.

 

*

 

Their first kiss can be hardly considered a kiss at all. It's been nothing more than a mere peck on plush lips. Ryutaro is blushing like schoolgirl, but still not pushing Karyu away, not doing any drama out of it, because he's more worried about those around them than about the tall guitarist.

Dimmed lights and second kiss, somewhere in nowhere at the studio, Karyu just passing by, then holding him, then kissing him, then just letting go before Ryutaro screams for help.

When they meet again in semi-privacy of a party, Ryutaro acts as if nothing happened, he's nice and lovely, thus Karyu doesn't worry about having done something wrong.

Luckily, or sadly, he can't know how much the older thinks about muscular lean body pressed against his own, the heat, the musky manly smell, heavy fragrance, no annoying flower thing his girlfriends usually use, and the feeling of being held. Being held as something precious, being kissed as something loved.

Maybe, this is the point when men usually use the services of call girls.

But that's not Ryutaro's style. So he just keeps on ignoring the need until Karyu approaches him again.

Ryu smells faint scent booze, then strong arms hold him, plush lips touch his neck.  
"Karyu?"

Guitarist still doesn't let go. One more touch. Then another. Gentle, but not exactly welcomed.

"You're a nice guy, but I won't sleep with you."

Lips let go of the skin, but that's all.

"I know."

Ryu hesitates. What to do now?

Karyu's presence is pleasant, it has always been. It's the kind of warmth that lulls you to sleep after nightmares. So why does it send chills down Ryutaro's spine?

Karyu bows his head down again, but instead of lips, they touch Ryutaro's forehead. And nose. Cheek. And the other one.

"You know, but you've never actually told me to stop. To keep my hands off you."

Ryu closes his eyes and keeps silent. He can feel his heartbeat in his throat, his lips quiver. There was no girl ever who made him feel confused like this. Not a one. Instead, there he is, now, held by a man more than half a decade younger than him. And he doesn't feel like running away.

For now, as they kiss, he would like to believe that this is the right thing to feel.

 

*

 

Karyu knows there are things he may do only behind a closed door and after being drunk to the point the next day he needs at least four people to tell him what all has he done to believe them because he for sure had only two glasses. So he privately made a list of them and he does his best not to cross the line. Though, questioning his luck is one of his hobbies.

"Please, remind me why am I staying here with you?" Ryutaro asks, lying beside Karyu on a couch, PSP's somewhere lost on the floor, empty beer bottles under the table.

Karyu kisses Ryu's bare shoulder (God blesses the one who made up these loose t-shirts) and covers them both with a blanket.

"Hush. Don't ask, just keep on lying and sleeping."

Oh, right, because here, Ryutaro can finally take a rest, even if for a short while.

 

*

 

Morning chill burns Ryu's lungs from within and he inhales the frost and mist as he takes step forward. Karyu's still asleep, he'll be sleeping a few more hours, at least, Ryu hopes.

Backpack over his shoulder, Ryu's feet are heavy, but he keeps on walking.

He tried to stay, but he failed.

So when his phone starts ringing, Ryu just checks the screen and turns it off, because he believes all it's going to cost now is a few unanswered texts and calls. The young man will move on and grow up. Not all relationships are meant to be based on sex. Right?

 

*

 

Some refusals are harsher than they are meant to be, Ryutaro realizes, as he watches almost dead drunk Tsukasa crawl up Karyu's lap. Karyu takes what he's given, even from the distance Ryutaro thinks he can hear the sounds they make whilst kissing, and if his medications didn't strictly forbid him from drinking, he'd immediately order something strong to sooth his jealousy, his anger towards himself. He knows he could have this all, a slim, strong, amusing package, which indeed Karyu is, only if he weren't so stubborn. So proud, so foolish, refusing to try anything new.

Now, he can just watch the man, whose presence was so soothing lately, walk away, dragging his bandmate to find some privacy for themselves and-

No. Ryutaro wished for kisses, he wished for closeness, but he'd be never willing to actually have sex with Karyu, no matter how hot the man was.

Because Ryutaro fucks only women.

No exceptions.

 


End file.
